I’ve been dating my boyfriend for… I don’t know. It’s a complicated question because we broke up for roughly six months, but the start/end dates of the break are hazy. I was also not here for two months over the summer, so do those two months really count? I mean, we did break up every other day during the summer… (Not literally. But long distance is a pain in the ass and we’re both drama queens, so… good times.) If you play it conservatively, we’ve been together for a year and a few months. But we’ve known each other for almost two years (in one month is the anniversary of our first date, as it were) and we’ve definitely been in contact that entire time. He is indeed my best, closest, favorite friend.
The other day we were hanging out with someone that my boyfriend has known for like ten years. (Which is a common occurrence. There are many people in this tiny city that he’s known forever.) They hung out with the same crowd for awhile, and in reminiscing about their old friends, my boyfriend inevitably starts to repeat, “Everyone’s married now! I can’t believe he got married before me!” And I inevitably start to look anywhere but at him so we don’t make eye contact. Nonetheless, his friend will inevitably say, “Aywa, but you’ll be married soon enough.” And I will smile awkwardly and try to pretend they’re not talking about me. (They are definitely talking about me, in case that was not clear.)
My boyfriend likes to drunkenly tell me things that he should not. For example, he drunkenly said “I love you” at least three times before he said it soberly. Which gave me time to accept the phrase and not freak out when he eventually said it soberly, so that was good. But telling me that he has a ring and when he wants to propose is not a thing I like to hear drunkenly spilled. Mostly because it causes me to freak out. (Although perhaps he is wisely allowing me time to wrap my head around it so that I’m not surprised and will accept, haha.)
Marriage between us is not a simple thing. I don’t want to get married here because I don’t want to get married under sharia. (Under sharia, if we divorce, he automatically gets the kids full custody, legally. Which he wouldn’t necessarily want and we’re probably the “stay together for the kids” type, but I just don’t like the idea of it. Although I do also automatically get half of everything and I can set an allowance, which would be nice. Well, if we ever had any money…) But to get married in the United States requires so much paperwork, you have no idea. There is also a possibility that he’d get rejected for a visa if we don’t get married here first. Mostly because I don’t have enough money to properly sponsor him. And then there’s money! Weddings are not cheap. And while both our families could throw us the two weddings that will be necessary (ugh,) we’re both too proud to let them pay fully. (Maybe. We could possibly bend on this if the money is given in a giving enough way, haha.) It’s just all so complicated!
And then I realize that I’ve written an entire entry about marriage, as if it’s totally normal and expected that of course I will marry him, it’s just a matter of when and how. And I think fondly of the days back when I was petrified of commitment and refused to let any man have more than three weeks of my life…. oh, my days of youth…