About a week ago, I ran into some people that I know through my ex. And I learned the most awful story about him. In the most vague of terms, he had committed an act so heinous that even my extreme moral relativism couldn’t excuse it. It wasn’t murder, but it was unnecessary and cruel and oh how I cried about it… I was so appalled that I even contemplated talking to my ex and allowing him to manipulate the truth and cry his alligator tears. Wisely, I let it lie.
The reason that his action was so appalling was because it betrayed simple morals that I thought he held. He had betrayed a trust and a friendship that I thought superseded his own selfishness. I thought there were limits to what he would do, no matter what trouble he found himself in. But alas, his selfishness knows no bounds and he truly just does what will benefit his immediate desires.
Ironically, one of the reasons that I fell for my ex was because I thought he might have streaks of true altruism. He had a tendency to do some seemingly selfless things that baffled me to the point where I felt they had to be genuinely good. When I met him, he handed out concert tickets to strangers because he could get extras. He constantly wanted to bring food for me or my friends. And he has no qualms driving people for literally hours to and from the border for visa runs. (People from Western countries can be here indefinitely on tourist visas as long as they renew them every 30 days.) In hindsight, that is simply because he prefers the company of Westerners and taking them on visa runs is an easy way to make them partial to him. And he gives out tickets and food because it might also make people partial to him.
Selfishness at its height, as it were. But I don’t do anything to make anyone like me, so I didn’t see it. If you don’t see the motive and you’re an idiot like me, it just might seem like true altruism…
I miss believing in true altruism.