Men I Have Dated, Part 5

It is always disconcerting when I see pictures of him with our mutual friends. Or worse, when I enter a party and see him sitting there on the couch like it’s no big deal. I always momentarily freak out, before I compose myself and act like an adult.

I feel bad about dating him, which is probably why I want to erase it. I wasn’t ready to date. I was still so sad about having broken up with my ex. I would have dated anyone. So of course I choose someone with whom it didn’t work.

I remember sitting with our drinks, overlooking the water. And he was so enthralled with my wit and intelligence and humor. And I was pleased at the attention. But I didn’t feel any emotions toward him, just pleasure with myself.

I remember sitting waiting for the movie to start. And he was so disappointed with my inability to be witty or intelligent or humorous. He kept wanting to know what was wrong. And I was so furious at the attention. But I wasn’t even mad at him, just furious at myself.

I remember being in his house and realizing his mother was also there and being horrified. But he didn’t seem to care. What a different breed of Arab, to be so nonchalant about his mother knowing he brings women home. And she made us sandwiches, so kindly, although I made sure she never actually saw me. I couldn’t be nonchalant about his mother knowing I go home with men.

I felt so volatile with him. But none of my emotional turmoil stemmed from him. I never felt any real attachment or feels about him. He was just another one of the many men I’ve dated…

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Men I Have Dated, Part 5

  1. Liz says:

    I wasn’t sure if this was literally part of a series, meaning it was continued from the previous entries, or not, so I just went through and read all of them.

    I really like and enjoyed how you wrote them in the format of a story. They were entertaining to read! :p

    The men you have dated all sound really interesting, and honestly, I think this is the one I resonate with most. My latest ex liked me more than I liked him. He was mostly a form of entertainment to me, as I had no emotions for/toward him whatsoever. (Well, toward the end, I had a lot of anger because of things he did.)

  2. Edna says:

    “It is always disconcerting when I see pictures of him with our mutual friends. Or worse, when I enter a party and see him sitting there on the couch like it’s no big deal. I always momentarily freak out, before I compose myself and act like an adult.” — me right now, struggling through a new breakup (neither has happened but I’m just waiting for it…)

    just catching up on old blog posts I had left up on a browser window and gotta say, I love your writing and these posts.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s