I was going to write a wishlist for my next boyfriend, but the truth of the matter is that my requirements aren’t too crazy. Have more than two friends. Have a job that pays well. Have a car. Know how to read in at least one language. But speak at least two. Don’t live with your mother. Don’t be blonde.
You know, normal requirements.
The other truth of the matter is that it wouldn’t make a difference if I wrote it down or not. It isn’t relative until there’s an option in front of me. And when there is an option, he might fit all the criteria, but then remind me of other little random things that I want. Or more likely, do not want. Like terrible shoes. Or the expectation that I will lead a phone conversation he initiated. Or complaints about my laziness (when really he just hasn’t done anything to merit my effort/attention/interest/what-have-you.)
But he still technically meets the criteria. (Because let’s be real, I totally wrote the wishlist. I’m just not posting it.) So am I just being a picky little bitch, as usual?
And then someone says “You just know it when you see it.” And while I agree in theory, in practice, the last time I just knew it I wasted three years of my fucking life… So before you blame me of over-thinking with my pro/con lists (which I obviously wrote out as well,) remember how terrible my gut is at making choices for me.
I still want to believe that you just know it though. I’m a hold out like that. And it could probably even be argued that I knew it this time. I picked him, in my way.
Or perhaps I’m just not ready, despite telling myself a thousand times that I am…
(My ex congratulated me on my new boyfriend when he saw me out with him. (Despite the fact that he is fully aware that he is not actually my boyfriend.) He insisted that he was happy for me, for real. Which is likely because for hours of our months of breaking up, I insisted that if he really loved me, he would just be happy to see me happy. I’m so sick of reading between his lines. But my new prospect doesn’t really write anything in between the lines….
Add it to the wishlist.)