In my exhaustingly human way, I am constantly anticipating when I will meet my mate for life, so that I can procreate and contribute to the continuation of our great species. (That statement is only 43% facetious.) When I stumble upon articles such as “5 Steps I Took Before Meeting the Love of my Life,” obviously I want to read it.
This one actually caught me a little unawares when it advised me to imagine being single for the rest of my life though. A life where I do not find The One? A life where I do not have a life companion? A life without a traditional family structure? A life without a forever-lasting, meaningful relationship? A life where I have to grow old by myself?
But the truth of the matter is that at the wee hour of 3am, I had already drunkenly contemplated the single life option. And I’d decided that perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad. I’ve been extremely happy for the past month or so, which is largely due to the freedom of being single. Which isn’t to say that my ex was a tyrant, but rather that I naturally considered him when I made my decisions. Which is a restriction I no longer have to work with in terms of imagining my future. I get to plan vacations with more freedom. I can contemplate moving to New Orleans in a few years. I can make long term financial schemes without having to account for possible children.
I love being single, in many regards. But I also love male attention, and I’m not asexual. And I’m not into a million one-night stands with random men. (A few is fine, but a million is just excessive.) So most of the time when I am single, I end up with a fake boyfriend. By which I mean someone that I’m casually hanging out with from time to time while I wait to meet someone more exceptional. We don’t discuss the state of things, we’re just kind of hanging around, sort of seeing each other while I procrastinate “the talk” about our “status” for as long as possible. People really do not enjoy being someone’s fake boyfriend, though, let me tell you…
And that is where we run into problems. And that is why I can’t properly imagine a single-forever life.
And that is perhaps why I will never find the love of my life? What a catch-22.
(Although I guess you could argue that I’m not properly living a single-for-now life. You could argue that single means celibate and sans any male attention. But if you argued that, I’d probably assume that you were unpleasant and antisocial and didn’t come by such a version of single life by choice…)