Yesterday I Tweeted “the worst part about dating a palestinian is israel.” I meant it facetiously, but not at all as a joke. Because my boyfriend’s identity is largely shaped by being Palestinian, a country which is defined by its constant struggle with Israel. While I have zero patriotism and probably bash America more than speak its praises, he genuinely loves Palestine to death. And I mean that so close to literally it’s scary.
Death should not have to be part of the equation when it comes to love. Moving back to Palestine would most probably lead to his death. Despite that, he wants to move back. Badly. (Thankfully, his family won’t let him.)
We had a conversation about the general conflict once, but I am so fatalistic that it’s best if we don’t touch the subject. That one conversation ended with him saying that Palestine would become a country some day. I had scoffed and advised, “Don’t hold your breath.” Thankfully, he didn’t know that colloquialism and was too distracted by my explanation of it to be too offended.
Another time we were talking about our imaginary future children. And he was like, “Would you let me take them to Palestine?” And he meant for a visit, so I said, “Yeah, of course.” And he was genuinely surprised. Because what idiot lets her husband take her kids to his home country…
Sometimes (often) he watches videos of Palestine. Once it was someone interviewing people in his hometown after the 2014 war. And I joked, “Do you know him?” about the first guy who was interviewed. He responded, in full seriousness, “No.” But then after some footage of busted houses, he was like, “Our house is down that street.” And then when they interviewed a third person, he said, “I know her.” And suddenly war zone interviews can’t be viewed with detachment anymore. Suddenly all of my desensitization training disappears.
Another time he was scrolling through pictures on his phone. And it got to a series of images his family had sent him during the last war. And I couldn’t even look at them. Because what the fuck, Israel. What the fuck…
(Sorry I haven’t posted much lately. I’ve become that girl who can’t pay attention to anything that isn’t related to her boyfriend.)