My roommate and I are not on good terms right now. I feel as though she took advantage of me financially, despite a previous agreement and despite the fact that she is not actually suffering for money, as she claims… In all honesty, it wasn’t even an amount of money that mattered to me. I was going to spend the money either way, she just happened to make me spend all of it instead of half of it. And then she proceeded to benefit from me spending the money. Mooch, is the more appropriate term. But the lack of appreciation she showed whilst mooching made me grow more and more bitter towards her as the time passed…
I’ve showed my bitterness in very childish ways, but I just can’t seem to get past it! (It’s been like 3 weeks since I realized I was so pissed off.) But ironically, the reason I am having trouble forgiving her (whereas I forgive my friends for doing far worse things, haha) is because I have realized how absolutely crap she is at adulting.
Adulting, to me, means that you try to take care of shit. It does not mean that you are perfect, but when you do fuck up, you try to fix it. You accept your flaws, but you try to mediate them or bend them or at the very least, keep them from harming others. You read all the articles about how to be a better adult or how to be happier, you ask for advice from people you trust, and you actually try to utilize what you’ve learned.
But the truth of the matter is that adulting is hard. It is a constant struggle to know what is “right.” Especially as you get older and go through varied problems and witness other people going through their problems. You start to see all the grey and the blurs and the lines that curve. You realize that there is a huge iceberg beneath the tip you see, and you realize that you don’t know the half of it.
And adulting means accepting your limitations. Accepting that how you see things might be wrong. And maybe you can’t figure out what the right way to see it is either. But you have to accept that it’s something different from what you’ve been seeing. And I need to do that with her. I need to stop making excuses for my bitterness, start adulting, and move on.