Passing the time

I wish I could build a time machine and just fast-forward. This school year is my time to heal from divorce and heartbreak, but that is a really lame way to spend one’s time, honestly. All the self-help tells you to feel the pain and allow the hurt and caress the scars or whatever, but after a few months of that, you’re emotionally exhausted. And you’re ready to stop wallowing and start moving forward in the lonely solo life you’ve been forced to accept.

Of course, since I have a nasty habit of falling in love and staying in Abu Dhabi for men, I don’t actually want to move on when it comes to men. Which means I have to keep being lonely and solo, which means there is a lot of time to fill. (Dating/relationships are very time consuming. Being alone all the time makes you realize that there are seriously 24 hours in a day, whoa.) I’ve been filling that time with wallowing or watching a plethora of mindless entertainment or playing mindless phone games or just staring at my phone, willing myself not to contact my exhusband. It has not been productive.

I need to visualize more productive uses of this alone time and set goals and whatever. So here are some goals for the next months:

  1. Get back on that OCD bullet journal train and overflow your weeks with impossible goals and to-do lists
  2. Delete your ex-husband from your phone and get some Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind therapy to forget his number
  3. Stop ordering overpriced delivery food and justifying it with “self-care;” it’s not that hard to chop your own salad, you lazy expletive
  4. Exercise more. The Kardashians do not just eat the salads, they do the workouts. Hashtag asspirations (sic)
  5. Get some new clothes. That white T you love sporting is literally stained and falling apart. Ya gotta upgrade ya.
  6. Write an essay about the impossibility of modern marriage. Or the cancer of self-care. Or the idiocy of corporate-shaming. Get your Didion on. You know you want to and on some level it would be cathartic.
  7. Join an online writing community. The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing, shout out Socrates.
  8. Paint again. Yes, it reminds you of him, but you’ll get over that. Inshallah. Right? Maybe…
  9. Hem those pants already. And get new contacts already. Etc. There are literally things on my to-do list that have been there for years.
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2 Responses to Passing the time

  1. Lani says:

    OMG. You are so funny. Love your list, and #4. But first of all let me say, sorry about your divorce. After a 6 year relationship, I was blindsided when I learned that he had hooked up with another woman. But what got me through it was keeping busy. This is the best advice I can give. Put music on, dance alone in your apartment; get absorbed into some new hobby, book, or craft; taking care of yourself really is the best medicine, you’ll feel better, look better, and like anything, once you start, it’s easier to keep going. Maybe even plan a vacation or trip back home, give yourself something to look forward to. Good luck and hugs from Thailand.

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