This year has been one hell of a ride. For me and so many people I know. It’s honestly quite shocking to think back to one year ago. I barely remember what I did for New Year’s Eve last year. I do remember that I had a job lined up, I wasn’t going to be arrested and deported, but I was not with my exhusband (although he was still my husband, technically, then.) And that about-to-be-divorced fact was insanely depressing and difficult to accept. Then in January, we had tea, went to court, got divorced, went out to commemorate, and ended up back together.
I spent the next six months with him, but fighting a lot, as we tried to reconcile our differences of opinions and views. My friends loudly protested our reunion, which probably didn’t help. And I was working a steady job, which put pressure on him to get his shit together so that we could truly plan our future. I wanted him to come to America over the summer, he couldn’t, he needed a job, we needed to be equals, and I was about to leave for a month. All of which led to more differences and more fights and a second divorce, and then the third and final divorce, right as I was heading off for the summer exodus to America.
I spent the summer in America trying to imagine life without him. Trying to reconfigure my entire future. I made new plans for myself, which didn’t involve anyone but me and what I wanted from my life. I caught up with my American friends and imagined where I would fit in or where. And it seemed very do-able to live the NYC life again, and I decided it was time to make plans to return to the motherland. And I suppose on some level that was necessary.
When I returned to Abu Dhabi, I continued trying to imagine life without him. It was impossible to do here though, not with his memory haunting me everywhere. So I haunted his phone. Until he haunted my phone back. But in my day-to-day life I was trying to move on. To fill the hours with things that didn’t concern him. To save money and take care of myself. I spent a lot of time with my Abu Dhabi best friend, as she went through her own separation, and my ex was a saint compared to her ex. Hearing about all of my friends’ issues with their significant others or even just watching them have petty bickering fights just made me miss him a thousand times more. He would never do the shitty things they did. I understood all the logic behind his mistakes, while my friends’ significant others’ mistakes seemed rooted in deep character flaws.
And eventually he came back to me. And it’s been odd. Because we both want to be together so badly, but there are so many reasons we probably can’t end up together. So we have to keep our own lives too, just in case. And that has been the last month of 2018.
Inshallah 2019 will be amazing. For me and for my friends (especially those who truly suffered so much in 2018, you have no idea, poor things) and for all of you! Happy new year!